Better this way
by thesunmaid1979
Summary: A look into Severus's mind and memories. My first attempt at fan fiction.


This is my first attempt at writeing fan fiction and submitting it to a website. So I do hope someone enjoys it. This was a backround for a charecter sheet I submitted to a roleplay forum but I rather liked how it came out. Umm hopefully someone will enjoy this and I don't suck too horridly.

Severus sits glareing at the parchment and shakes his head. that infuriateing woman mcgonagall insisted that the staff of hogwarts share thier lives so that the students may get to know them better. How ridiculous..he sits looking at the pensieve that nobody knew he owned..yes it was a risk but...sometimes a man needed peace from his memories. And severus had too many to think to count that would haunt him. Like his parents. Distant and neglectful. His mother a witch..his father a muggle...yes thats right severus was a half blood but he kept that to himself and very few knew about it. He liked it that way having people think the snapes were a wizarding family. His memories of them were less than pleasant always fighting and hurling insults.  
>Then there was the good memories he wanted to keep..small bright spots he cherished. The most important one being that of lily evans. The thought of her could always make the darkest day have a point of light with her beautiful flaming hair and those lovely eyes that sparkled like jewels set in porceline. How his heart had sank when she took up with that potter poncer. But severus would always be able to know lily was his first..his freind and when potter and his cronies would insist on bother severus's studies lily would glare and yell at them to leave him alone. His lovely angel. Oh yes the memories of her were tainted with the memorie of him calling her a mudblood. The look on her face haunted him. He has never wished more that he could reverse time.<br>Other bright memories icluded reciveing his letter to hogwarts and obtaining his title as potions master as well as being hired on as potions professor at his beloved hogwarts.  
>He kept his memories of his involvement with the dark lord and such things in his own mind. They were too important to trust to a penseive..yes yes better to keep them locked in his mind under that mop of greasy black hair and glareing black eyes. Meeting the dark lord..reciveing his dark mark. Being asked to play double agent for pain and bitterness a sheild against anyone who wished to try and crack through his armor. But it was better that way. The news of lilys death had near broke him..not that he showed anything to anyone about it.<br>So he accepted the taunts and snickers of the students being called the bat of the dungeons and being glared at when he was not looking. It was safer this way. Yes keep everyone at arms length..although it infuriated him to look at potter looking so much like his father...but with lilys eyes. It bordered on painful at times. But that was his lot in life..and although potter and little freinds saw him as this glareing horrid bastard they were likely to never know that Severus was working with them not against them. As much as he might hate that potter looked like his father...he also had lily in him and that alone would make severus keep him safe...nobody said he had to be nice to the brat. Yes it was better this way to keep himself locked away and secrative. Besides no one would want to know about "The Bat's" love of the boy who lived's mother or that severus could feel joy and sorrow as deeply as any other. No keeping himself cut off would be safer. Even though he worked as a spy severus doubted anyone would mourn his death when the inevitable end came. Yes...it was better this way. let himself be forgotten at least and then in the end..perhaps...maybe he would be able to see lily again. Better this way.  
>He shakes his head and and growls at the parchment clearing the desk not much careing about the bloody mess he made he stalks off to his rooms where he could find the peace of sleep. After all he kept telling himself..he needed to keep his secrets. Now to bed to rest and fall into the darkness to dream his dreams of pain bitterness and a small light at the end of the tunnel when his work was complete and the pain would end. The light of an angel smiling and welcomeing him. Better this way.<br> 


End file.
